Also, In accordance to my mellowed-out ability (or lack thereof) to produce blog spots, just follow me on Twitter, you sick minded fucks. Frequent, literal and a reflection of a healthy woman's realistically perverted, base thoughts. You certainly wont get any more from-the-heart Life Lessons of Paulina ramblings from here anymore. You creepy assholes don't even know a thing about me or deserve to, anyway.

www.twitter.com/@Buttersleeves_
For your utter amusement.

Here's a picture of something cute to appease your horror at being offended by shameless and unnecessary self promotion. And for the trouble of bothering to read on.





Freud was fascinated by the interaction of these various aspects of the psyche -- and the way that they sometimes come into stark conflict. That is, it is left to the ego to successfully meet the needs of the id, while staying within the limits imposed by the superego. Naturally, as everyone has experienced, this is not an easy job. For example: an individual may have a body based yearning for sexual gratification, but have an internalized moral belief that says sex is dirty and sinful. The conflict between innate desire (id) and conditioned beliefs (superego) may manifest in such symptoms as anxiety, guilt, and frustration. Meanwhile, in the struggle to keep the inner peace, to cope with and balance the dictates of the superego with the demands of the id, the ego may resort to one of a variety of defense mechanisms. Amongst these are denial, repression, sublimation, intellectualization, compensation, and reaction formation. They vary in detail, but each is employed to reduce the conscious emotional tension that would otherwise be experienced by the ego. Thus the sexually conflicted individual may, for example, use rationalization to convince themselves of the moral superiority of "waiting for marriage." And the more strongly the id cries for sensual satisfaction, the more of a talking to the individual will have to give themselves, and the more he/she will feel the need to extol the virtues of virginity to others.

But as one might imagine, the underlying desires and awareness do not truly disappear -- not unless some kind of neurological damage occurs. Instead the thoughts and feelings are merely pushed into the background -- a kind of "white noise" as it were. But ironically, as Freud discovered, such repressed knowledge can still continue to influence behavior. Hence strange dreams, peculiar verbal slips of the tongue, and a variety of seemingly "irrational" behaviors. Individuals may even find themselves unable to consistently do what they believe they should -- or at the very least, find themselves feeling strangely unhappy even though they have done what they consciously believe is right.

I don't know if I trust you enough to give you anything of mine.

Sup, from a 20-year-old

See the resemblance? flap flap.

I'm so fucking busy with nothing.

I haven't been considering my priorities in university. It's first year. I tell myself. The gosh darn cutie president of my program happened to be my Intro to Hospitality & Tourism Management T.A. and even he admitted he didn't do jack shit in first year.

Hate fuckers like this. You create unrealistic representation of the effort it takes to be made. He went to Abu Dhabi to intern for 6 months at the world-renowned Burj Al Arab and probably has a million and one other community, family, academic commitments but the only thing that stuck with me is his awkwardness, slight acne and careless shrug each time he admits "I barely turned up to any of my lectures in first year."

Bitch, don't make it look easy. I mean it probably is, considering my ability to put my insecurity in school work on steroids-overdrive, but still. He's put a very bad example of himself out to the first years, especially to the fellas who just signed up for the program because they're still unsure of what they want to do right now.
How am I going to achieve this?

Anyhow, looking back, 8 years ago, blogging was a way for me to rationalize my "bad emotions", make fun of retarded trends and stupid cunts in school and bitch about the incompetence of the NAS school staff and overall stifling rigidity of the Singaporean school system. Still, I have fond memories of Ngee Ann. It is after all, where I met many fun people and good friends (I choose to omit the word "great" so we wont accidentally inflate any egos here... ahem).

In terms of growth, I haven't changed much except perhaps in terms of my attitude towards partying, image and men. Of course, my hands have grown heavy and fingers very tired and no longer blog about life's conundrums and blast society's lack of common sense, maturity and intelligence. Mocking, however, is still a favorite pastime I prefer to share with the company of like-minded friends.



What happened on my birthday?
For the first time ever, was duped and surprised by 4 lovely ladies, including my sweet room mate. I was baked 3 "chocolate marble" cakes... which they fucked up the swirls. So I guess they were more like chocolate brownie slabs. My brilliant Jewish friend A (it had to be Jewish) managed to fool me into really thinking nothing was going on and totally put me off. I never suspected a thing. The rest of them hid in my roommate's cramped, stuffy closet and came out (Tom Cruise, take a cue here, you 5-foot-nothing Scientolofreak midget) to surprise me once I was lead back, unsuspecting as fuck. Birthday shots, everyone on my floor knocked at midnight to sing me happy birthday, was told to keep it down by the floor R.A.s with alcohol (prohibited...) in hand. Was quite tipsy by then. Boys came in and we talked and drank and Facebook stalked hot guys (I've never felt so straight in my life) till 3 in the 'mo. A rare slice of vacuous, girly bonding time. Another sentimental first.

I used to be a fucking critical bitch (still am) when it comes to people, but I now know it's still great to have good, kind-hearted and caring people in your life, despite their naivete or lack of maturity. I will miss her once we move out at the end of our first year in April.

You're boring as fuck. So you didn't do anything to start you big two-ty with a bang?


Clubbed. Danced wildly enough to attract attention of a few manwhores, and basically had the rest of my night's booze paid for. Considering it was me and 2 other tiny ass girls, I was lucky they were hot enough to keep having guys hit on them while I was slowly forgetting how to use gravity. Needless to say, at the end of the night, a couple of kind strangers asked the cops to drive us back to the university, while my friends made sure I didn't land face-first into a snowbank. I woke up the next morning with rug burn all over my chin and areas around my mouth. Fuck making out with guys with beards.

Slut. So have you lost your virginity yet?
No. While withholding the dirty stories and alcohol-fueled escapades, I can still reassure you that I am a girl with moral standards and sexual ethics. And by sexual ethics I mean that I can still have carnal desires as per basic human nature, but I would never give into urges no matter how big the temptation (of big cock HA HA HA).

So in a nutshell, I don't fuck around.

(Note: May have also become a better liar with my two sensible decades on Earth.)


Anyway, it's back to the daily grind tomorrow. Hopefully I can get my fucking sleep back on fucking track. God, it feels delightful to be an online potty mouth. Don't worry, I'm still an amazingly nice person with a beautiful soul on the inside. It's just the crust that has rotten a little.

Busy, busy, busy

I have no reason to eat bunnies, but that doesn't mean I can't think of doing it.

Not one to make a long story short

But I thought I should pop by and say something.

I've been thinking a lot about relationships, and how fragile and easily they wither, age and just disappear (no wait, you mean I have farted on about this before? Multiple times??). I know most people don't even remember the last time they've spoken or sent a short message to their ex-classmates (you know the one, you spend all of your recess/lunch breaks with her so you might as well call her your best friend) from high school, but nobody is going to know if you really care unless you act.

Trust me, you'd think it's awkward, but if you find yourself creeping on their Facebook pictures, scouring their Twitter timelines and get disappointed each time you load their blog and they haven't updated since, you care. You probably even miss them.

So e-mail, text, tweet, instant message, whatever. Do something which shows you still remember them. Do something which shows you still miss the memories of youth you both shared in class, after school, with each other (your pathetic annual Facebook birthday wall posts don't count! Even worse if you're not creative enough to go beyond "Happy birthday!!! :D").

I know this doesn't really clue in with most, but try to think about the people who sat in front of you, behind you and three tables away. You've probably had to do projects with them sometime, and in those 4 years you should have learned enough to know the area they live, how many older/younger siblings they have and what wallets they carry (because you were broke that one time and you really needed the $1.20 for the chocolate candy you craved and you were like, omg, he's still using a No Fear velcro-lined polyester wallet...).

Because when you're both adults it's going to seem a long way ago, and rekindling that friendship with the same innocent ease would be impossible. Life, family, your S.O., your job, your first house - all these things will keep your adult mind busy and are real excuses for leaving friendships to dry up in the dust. Never your bridges, but also never leave them weathered and left to be eaten up by the sun and rain.

Some jerk off thought he would lay the cliche-hammer on me the other day and spat this gem out:
Act while you can, because you're only young once.

Though as much as it pains me when people use these old phrases and sayings, this one stuck... It's niggling at the back of my head, but I guess it has a lot to do with me reaching a milestone in my life. Two decades worth in fact.... SO OLD.



On another note, I've been sick for the past 3 weeks (since the 2nd week of January till now) and it's absolutely disastrous. Missed midterms, lethargy, lack of productivity and just overall feeling of being lifeless and old. Gross, ick, bleh. Maybe this is why I'm asking you guys to seize your gay and don't let your old relationships go to waste, because I'm feeling like a withering old woman myself. I'm turning 20 in a few days god damn it! It's scary and unreal... The only thing that's really bugging me is that my hands don't look my age though. Fuckin' winter. So make sure to moisturize those diamond racks/ sandwich-makers, ladies.


As another update, I've also found a house to live in for my 2011-2012 school year! It's great, since my homeowner Thomas is a complete Polish sweetheart and extremely kind. So far, he's been very understanding and lenient in payments (I've never used a checkbook and ordering one to pay him the post-dated checks actually takes more than a week for the bank and costs $17~ for 100 pages WORTOHFORH).

So yeah, this has been relatively good in procrastinating...I hope everybody back home has been having a lovely Chinese New Year($). I miss Singapore and all the house gatherings and endless white rabbit candies, pumpkin seeds, roasted duck and bak kua. Fuck. All that eating and sweating to keep you happy and relatively slim - WO YAO. Off to go for dinner with a friend.

I MADE THAT FML CAT PICTURE ISN'T IT FUNNY???